Tag Archives: shiny

When Are You Coming Back?

4 Jun

“Here is the crux of the matter, the distilled essence, the only thing you need to remember: When considering whether to say yes or no, you must choose the response that feels like freedom. Period.”
– Martha Beck

I bumped into a friend in Bali recently who mentioned she’d hung out with a mutual friend of ours in Australia. I came up in conversation and she laughed as she relayed what he had said about me: “Poor girl. She’s kind of a little lost soul, isn’t she?” 

My friend had attended one of my retreats earlier in the year and remarked she’d never seen me so in my element, so shiny and alive. “I replied that it seemed more like you’d found yourself,” she said. 

journey understand

Right now in my life, everyone is making a point of reminding me I need to “settle down”. What does that even mean? Find a mate, buy a nest, lay eggs? Do I need to stay in one place for that to happen? Most people in my life say Yes. My single status suggests that as well. “You can’t do this forever!” they say. “You’ll never meet someone travelling like you do!”

Just as many people the following week will write and say “I wish I had your life.”

But this is not me following a plan. When I left Australia, all I wanted was to be somewhere else. To be someone else. I was tired of being unable to create a life I was inspired by, of trying to convince people I was the right person for the jobs I wanted. Nearly five years later, still living out of a bag, I’m as surprised as anyone that I haven’t unpacked somewhere. 

Alone Genius idea Lyvia Alexandra

It’s a lonely, lonely life. I’m not going to lie. I spend a lot of time alone, writing emails to people far away. I have insistent, indignant friends write me: “When are you coming back? I miss you! What are you doing?!” They offer tidbits of their lives but have never visited. Melbourne, Perth, Barcelona, London, San Francisco, Bali, Thailand…When are you coming back?

The truth is, I don’t know. I have been looking for a reason to stay still: a partner, an inspiring job, a way to express myself in a particular place, a way to make a difference.

If I take away my desire for a partner, my life is exactly as I want it to be, albeit far away from many people I love. But that too has been a blessing. I have found so many ways to say “I love you” from afar. Said things in print that I could perhaps not have said face to face. Expedient internet time has meant directness, honesty, openness – and choosing my besties carefully. 

Bizarre Travel Plans

Choosing the path that feels like freedom often looks to the people around me like choosing to run away. And I’ve done my fair share of running away. I have been in relationships that felt like I was drowning, been in jobs where I felt like my head was being pushed underwater. I had a sense of being stifled, held down, of being small. 

Somehow, out here on the road, I can breathe bigger. I can be bigger: than a place, than a city, than a job or a relationship. 

I spent a good chunk of last year in my home town, Perth, staying with my parents. I feel like it was the summer that helped me move from a whiny teenage version of myself to an adult. I’ve never loved my parents as much and now, far away from them again, I miss them terribly, in a way I haven’t since I was a child. 

For the first time in my life, being away from Perth feels like a conscious choice. When I hated that city, hated who I was in it, needed to control the distance between myself and my family, there was no way I could live there. Now I crave it’s dry air, sun, beautiful beach visits with my dad, my mum’s hugs and cooking, being close to my family. 

Now it’s yet another place I’m sad to leave, whose tendrils curl around my heart and ankles, asking me to stay. 

Be Yourself

Yet the momentum of the work I do picks up speed. More inquiries about retreats, more people writing to me, months after sessions, telling me about breakthroughs they had. “It started with you,” they say. “You changed my life. I feel truly happy for the first time.” 

I feel like the work I’m doing is truly making a difference in people’s lives, yet I often feel so alone. It’s as if the more I find my power: as a teacher, as a yogi, as a business woman, the more isolated it makes me. 

I recognise how lucky I am to have so much choice. I have portable job skills. Friends and contacts in many cities. An incredibly supporting and loving family. 

Do I look lost to you? When I’m with a group on retreat or coaching someone through an all consuming issue or teaching a class, I’ve never felt so found. 

Finding that quote from Martha Beck today brought me to tears. It was from a piece called “Do I Know How To Say No?”

I can see that for the past year, I have been trying to do what I think is the right thing, even though it doesn’t feel like freedom to me. I’ve been scared to go inextricably down the rabbit hole that I think might make me terribly, terribly alone. I’ve applied for jobs, hoping they would bring me the direction and anchor to tether me. To weigh me down. 

But the truth is, I’m already doing what feels like freedom. 

I think it’s time to acknowledge that I don’t want a conventional life, or a conventional partner or a conventional job. Even though I haven’t been doing any of those things, I have been resisting my life the way it is.

I’ve been spending time and energy worrying that I’m going about this all wrong, when, if I’m honest, if I stop and breathe and feel into it, I think I might just have it right. Shiny Inner Self

Shiny Song #15

25 Oct

How kind have you been today?

Sometimes I think we forget that kindness can be simple and easy…

And less effort than cruelty or snarkiness.

Time to Learnalilgivinanlovin…

Bali Yoga Retreat…So Far…

3 Sep

Wow.

We’re having such a juicy, delicious week here at Villa Gaia in Ubud.

I’ve been blown away by how willing this group is to dive deep into the process and really shake themselves up!

We’re just over half way and I feel like we’ve already transformed.

What a joy and a blessing!

With love from Bali…

xxx

Shiny Song #14

11 Jul

Sometimes, your faith is tested.

Everything you thought you were working towards falls over.

You start to look at the external circumstances & think they somehow reflect something that’s lacking in you.

Keep Following

Now is the time to stop. Take a breath.

Sink into yourself & reconnect with what’s truly important.

And then, when you’re ready…

Just keep following the heartlines on your hand…

Shiny Song #12

26 Jun

I fear the cold!

But right now, my desire to be amongst nature is outweighing that fear and I’m getting up for a run in the icy mornings…And I’ve noticed something lovely.

Yes, it’s cold and my ears and nose hurt. But the dew on the trees catches the light in ways I’ve never seen it before. The air smells cleaner somehow. The people who are out there on the streets and in the park with their dogs smile and shrug at each other’s madness. It’s a shivery, crazy joy.

And sometimes, like this morning, it looks like this:

Perth Winter

This song reminds me that it’s always about embracing right now:

“Breathe, breathe in the air
Set your intentions
Dream with care

Tomorrow’s a new day for everyone
A brand new moon and brand new sun

So follow, follow the sun
The direction of the birds
The direction of love
Breathe, breathe in the air
Cherish this moment
Cherish this breath…”

And for those of you catching Melbourne trams in the icy cold? This might just get you through…

I’ll be there with you soon…

Xavier Rudd – Follow the Sun from Tram Sessions on Vimeo.

Shiny Song #11

12 Jun

We Have Come To Be Danced

by Jewel Mathieson

We have come to be danced
not the pretty dance
not the pretty pretty, pick me, pick me dance
but the claw our way back into the belly
of the sacred, sensual animal dance
the unhinged, unplugged, cat is out of its box dance
the holding the precious moment in the palms
of our hands and feet dance

We have come to be danced
not the jiffy booby, shake your booty for him dance
but the wring the sadness from our skin dance
the blow the chip off our shoulder dance
the slap the apology from our posture dance

We have come to be danced
not the monkey see, monkey do dance
one, two dance like you
one two three, dance like me dance
but the grave robber, tomb stalker
tearing scabs & scars open dance
the rub the rhythm raw against our souls dance

We have come to be danced
not the nice invisible, self conscious shuffle
but the matted hair flying, voodoo mama
shaman shakin’ ancient bones dance
the strip us from our casings, return our wings
sharpen our claws & tongues dance
the shed dead cells and slip into
the luminous skin of love dance

We have come to be danced
not the hold our breath and wallow in the shallow end of the floor dance
but the meeting of the trinity: the body, breath & beat dance
the shout hallelujah from the top of our thighs dance
the mother may I?
yes you may take 10 giant leaps dance
the Olly Olly Oxen Free Free Free dance
the everyone can come to our heaven dance

We have come to be danced
where the kingdom’s collide
in the cathedral of flesh
to burn back into the light
to unravel, to play, to fly, to pray
to root in skin sanctuary
We have come to be danced
WE HAVE COME

Shiny Song #9

30 May

“Always say “yes” to the present moment.”

Let Go Jump In

“What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? what could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now?

Surrender to what is.

Say “yes” to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.”

― Eckhart Tolle

Shiny Song #8

23 May

Bike Mark TwainI had a run-in with a car this morning.

Or more accurately, a car had a run-in with me. The driver was slowing down for the red light and didn’t see me on my bike, already stopped at that red light.

Aside from a bruised leg and a run over foot, I’m fine and feeling very lucky that I am. Today on the radio we had dozens of calls from people who have broken bones and been hospitalised after run ins with aggressive drivers or drivers who simply aren’t aware that cyclists share the road with them.

Bike Hemingway

Here’s to sharing space with love and respect – from drivers AND cyclists. Hopefully this tune helps us all lighten up.

Mark Ronson – The Bike Song from Kairos Mosaïque on Vimeo.

Keep Calm and Bike On

Shiny Song #7

22 May

Just rediscovered this fab tune…

Feed_Me_and_Crystal_Fighters_Love_Is_All_I_Got_cover_artwork

Always a good one for reconnecting with what’s important!

“We can soar with love in the morning
Feed your soul with love to the evening
Expand your soul with love on the weekend
Cause love is all I’ve got.

My Darling I can give you what you want
If what you want is love…”

Feed Me & Crystal Fighters – Love Is All I Got from Us on Vimeo.

Shiny Song #6

18 May

Because sometimes a song captures what I’m trying to do better than I can say it myself…